If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
