He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
