if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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