They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
