She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
