I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
