can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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