did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
