That's intense
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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