if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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