before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
