I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You pole danced in your parka.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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