meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
