I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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