I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
