I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
