i don't like sucking hair
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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