I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
