In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
