I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
