As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
