For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
