Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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