God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
its liver damage thursday
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
