god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
