it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
