I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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