I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So many bounce houses so little time
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
