She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
