so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
