Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had sex on a roof
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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