I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
