Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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