I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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