so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
