I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
