aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
