omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
