He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
