I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
