That's intense
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
