Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
