We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
