It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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