i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
