i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
