I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My life is pants optional.
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