speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
As shirtless as possible
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
