im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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