i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
